Aug 07, 2008 02:54 am Great to see ya back wyd! So fill us in, what have you been up too? :)
Dan
back for awhile
Posted on Aug 07, 2008 12:47 am
whosyourdaddy00
Hold 'Em Czar
Member Since: Dec 30, 2004
well it's been too long since my last post...
i've been rather buzy here lately to say the least, but as of now i'm gonna be back to my 'ole self again....i've got stable internet access!!!!
much has changed for the better in my life and i fully intend to keep this train-a-rollin'
next step, start making money in audio again! don't get me wrong, i love to cook, but it is not my calling.
good to see a buncha new faces, and even better to see the old ones...man i missed you guys!
so expect to see more of my silly butt around.
always a pleasure,
wyd
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Aug 07, 2008 02:54 am Great to see ya back wyd! So fill us in, what have you been up too? :)
Dan
Aug 07, 2008 04:10 am good to see you back chris, always nice to have some alternative views !!
Aug 07, 2008 09:08 am Good to see your around, bud !
Oh, and check your Guestbook .
Aug 07, 2008 10:57 am Hey guys, in case you missed my other post...
www.homerecordingconnecti...16562&frm=4
Aug 07, 2008 11:22 am What up Hoosier Daddy, long time no see.
I've been kinda laying low as well. I still drop in daily but I haven't had much time to post anything lately. Plus my stale home recording knowledge has been far superceded by everybody else's here!
Aug 07, 2008 12:10 pm Ya, good to see you about again. It's been quite quiet and docile without your jolly insights. =)
Good to see you around too Tad, been missing you as well.
How's that album working out?
I still get points from Missus C every so often on 61, though I only log in about once a month =).
Aug 07, 2008 08:14 pm Nasty Herb, just plain NASTY! :-)
WYD, good to see ya bud. And ya, yer in the hockey music contest with Hue. Thats what BH's little thread link is about.
Aug 07, 2008 08:39 pm There goes herb again, mr. take it too far... ha ha.
But what's up with you WYD, good to see you around. Just a thought, but I always thought your avatar looked like Rip Van Winkle...
Aug 07, 2008 11:38 pm hehe, good times....
well here's the short
met/lived with a bartender/girlfriend for the past 6 months, and i'll tell ya, it's been one heck of a roller-coaster ride! i don't reccomend it to anyone that's tryin' to sober up.
we're done now, i quit workin' at my bar (my ex worked at another) and started cooking at an italian resteraunt, and now i'm dating my boss's 18 year old daughter! (i'm 29 this month for the record)....dad's cool with it but mom understandably isn't....to add insult to injury, i've been WAY open about my old lifestyle to them both before we hooked up, so they know EVERYTHING about me already! ugh!
but this girl is my angel, heck, she's got me questioning my spiritual beliefs! i've gone from the worst, most unhealthy relationship in my life to the best, and prolly the last. this girl is a keeper!
i hit rock bottom in my life last week when i lost my girl, my job, and my house (well the lease was up) all in the same 24 hour period....it was THE darkest/drunkest day of my life, and i'm NOT going back.
i'm slowly puttin' the pieces back together, got my girl by my side, i'm workin' at the parents music store again, and am sleeping where i can (beein' a gypsy (sp?) is kinda fun!)
i'm gettin' healthier by the day, and ppl around me are noticing....i'm considering rehab or atleast AA at the moment, still gotta figure out which way to go on that one. but everyone agrees, i'm gonna need help, and shouldn't try to do this on my own, which is fine. like i said, i hit bottom and am NOT gonna go back.
today i worked for my old studio/dupe house and made some deliveries up in nashville it was nice walkin' back into Curb Records and they remembered me! that's when i knew, now's the time to get back into music/audio for a living, it IS my calling.
all is lookin' good for me right now though.
good to see y'all!
wyd
Aug 08, 2008 12:38 am Interesting read whosyourdaddy and I truly hope that life will continue to be good for you. Keep in mind though: we are the creators of our own fate!
Aug 08, 2008 12:43 am true true my friend, i'll tell ya the only thing i'm mad about is i've known that for atleast a year now, yet i thought i could beat it....dumbazz
oh well, i'm a better person for surviving this long.
now to do great things!
Aug 08, 2008 12:49 am Living a great life is a great thing too!
I'm new here, but I think that the HRC can be a fine support group.
Aug 08, 2008 12:49 am hue, i'll call ya sometime in the next few days
Aug 08, 2008 08:32 am Well WYD, you can have it if you want it. I have 15 years as of last 4th of July. I absolutely love it. Hard to imagine now what I thought I was doing before. Gearin up for Labor day right now. Gonna hit the Detroit Jazz Festival... Christian McBride... Yozer! now there is a bassist on Saturday and Sunday having a heard of folks over for a cook out. Ribs, Fish, and whatever anyone else wants to drag in to be grilled. Bochi ball and I'm sure plenty of music. 90% of the folks comming are musicians. Everybody knows the rules. If you want alcohal you bring it and take it with you when you go. You get drunk and stupid, you get put out at the curb with the cat. End of rules, now Party!
Aug 08, 2008 11:10 am Man, it's really great to hear that you're doing so well, bud ! Veddy cool, indeed !!!
Looking forward to your call .
Aug 08, 2008 11:27 am Welcome back WYD, bummer to hear about the bad day, but hey, it sounds like it turned you around. Your path is a long row to hoe, but it can be done, and anyone who honestly cares about you will back you up the whole way.
Best of luck to you...God Bless!
Sometimes a good woman is a great motivation to become a better person, I know it helped me a GREAT deal, the problem I found is that, at least in my case, they will continue to think of you as the guy that needed help, not the guy that made a better man of himself.
Aug 08, 2008 04:42 pm funny you should bring that up dan!
we're goin' back and forth on that very issue, i/she don't/doesn't want her to be a 'prize' or 'reward' for doing well, i should want it enough on my own...
so we're takin' a few steps back now 'till i get my stuff together. which is fine, we've got all the time in the world. but it IS complicating things.
Aug 08, 2008 04:46 pm That is the VERY reason any group you decide to go to will scold you for getting into a new relationship when trying to clean up, they say it complicates things greatly.
Myself, I find those groups incredibly counter productive, and found that having a motivation to buck up and grow up such as a good woman, kids, whatever it is for any person, is a wonderful motivator.
At the end of the day, you have to be happy doing it, or it'll just make you a crabby, sober person, but still, nothing wrong with a little outside motivation.
What I found is that it complicates things years down the road when you are the better person...but you are the only one that recognizes it :-)
To me, sitting in a group of a bunch of people complaining about how hard it is to fight the very things you are all craving is just an insane path to take, but who am I to say, it works for thousands, maybe millions of people...can't say I feel the same.
Aug 08, 2008 04:59 pm ...Then there's the "I outgrew you" scenario that frequently happens in these types of relationships.
[Opinion]
WYD, Taking on a serious relationship in your current state is rather emotionally risky here for both parties involved. I've been where you are, and I recommend getting a "booty buddy" until you get your head threaded back on. A sober gal who's in it just for the laughs.
A wise guy once told me, "If you're no good for yourself, you're no good for anyone else either."
[End opinion]
Best of luck, bud.
Aug 08, 2008 05:01 pm i feel EXACTLY the same way db.
she's young, and doesn't wanna be in a position to be dealing with a cronic alcoholic the rest of her life....which i completely understand.
she along with most of my friends and family want me to check into rehab for a month or atleast sit in on some meetings and get counciling, which i really don't mind doin', but i kinda already know what they're gonna say (she gave me two AA books which i'm reading)
i get my motivation from her directly, i want to be better for her and our future. i don't wan to put her through hell by bein' with an alcoholic, therefore i simply do my best not to drink. we've been together for a month now, and she's more or less adopted a zero tollerance policy with me, one beer, no girl....cut and dry....she knows/understand's i'll relapse but she doesn't want it to happen alot.
it breaks her heart, again, i understand. i'm on day 10 now which is hands down the longest i've been sober in the past 5-8 years.
i feel like i'm dooin' good, no real hard signs of withdrawl, i feel/look good, and am not craving. i've disassociated form darn near all my drinkin' buds, and they know not to drink around me.
i'm feeling true progress, but she's waiting to see if it's real, hell i don't blame her! so we set a goal of 3 or 4 months of soberiety before we get anymore serious.
i dont' mind that, but to me that turns her into a reward, she fell in love with me while i was a drunk, now that i'm sober, she's pullin' back.
wtf?
Aug 08, 2008 06:41 pm I'll chime in my .02$us here, just cause i cin =).
to refresh, i've been sober for 7+ years, after 20 some years of steadily increasing drinking. To the point of everyday, actually going months without a dry day.
I sat in meetings for over a year, but dropped away after that, partially for the reasons dB mentions: lots of conflicting ideas, and way too much attitudes, that don't belong.
So, i tend to lean toward the 'don't change much in the first year' camp. This is for your own benefit, not anyone else's, though it will benefit other people as well. The reason being, is that for your recovery/progress to succeed, you need to be pretty selfish. And as much as you thought you were good at being selfish while drinking, it's gonna be different now. You're not being selfish because you're a **** (insert clever adjective here), you're being selfish because you want to be better.
To that end, it becomes difficult to give of yourself to someone else when you don't really know yourself at all right now. This will change over time, but you have to give it time.
Plus, you're 29, so you're looking at your future differently than an 18yo. I'm sure she has more clear vision than you right now, but still, your point of view is different, by a bunch. This isn't a bad thing, and you can certainly use her strength to help you get through, but it can affect a relationship in it's own right, let alone adding addiction recovery to it.
Something else I've seen / learned by being sober: if you don't do this for your own reasons, then you probably won't be successful for long. It sounds like you are (doing this for your own reasons), but this is related to the being selfish section above: you have to want sobriety more than you can stand the pain drinking/using has caused.
Overheard at a meeting: When the pain of being sober is less than the pain of being drunk.
On the support system front, don't shy away from rehab. It can really boost someone in the direction of getting sober. But, this only will apply if you want to use the tools you can learn there. Many people have to go, and just run through the motions, learning nothing and wasting time. Then they're drunk again shortly after. If you're serious, then it can be a great tool to start you on your path.
Also, meetings are a well used tool, but like I've mentioned before, and dB mentions above, it can be difficult to get good direction. I've had mostly good results, but I've seen newcomers be ripped apart, and then never show up again. It's really heart-breaking, because they don't know any better, and then some old-timer opens their big mouth, and rails 'em. That I have a problem with.
So meetings can be really useful but can also be fraught with spines. If you go and someone really twists your nips, then let it go, because they can be totally off their nut, and aren't worth listening too.
Then again, most times you talk to people who have been through what you're going through, and want to see other people get better and succeed.
Aug 08, 2008 08:22 pm Good to see you back buddy.
As has been stated, most of us have been there and done that. I know I was more then once, well more then a few times. Coming back up is as stated by you and the others a hard hill to climb. But your attitude now seems much more aimed at a solid goal now. So from this vantage point I think it looks like you just might have enough motivation to finish the task.
Demon's are Demon's, and there will always be another waiting around the corner from the one you left behind. I know I still have several that walk right behind me every day waiting and watching, hoping I'll slip again. I've broken my share of rules, even recently, but I won't let it drag me down these days.
You'll make it, so remember not to sweat the small stuff.
As for the music thing. Well ya, that is what you should be doing.
For me, the first 20 some years were filled with Demons, some of my own creating. The last 20 some years have been what keeps me going and following a better path.
Aug 09, 2008 10:17 am It's all about you WYD. Most folks that I have met at their bottom have no clue of what a healthy relationship is. They can't conduct one with themselves, let alone another human being. When they try they pick someone just as messed up as they are and prolong the agony. You make the calls, group / no group, drink / no drink. Good luck to ya! I hope you find peace.
Aug 10, 2008 11:13 pm good insites!
yeah things are gooin' well so far.
pjk i replied (thanks!)
Aug 11, 2008 07:13 pm Welcome back WYD. Missed ya, man.
Sorry I didn't post earlier.
Hope all goes well with these life choices. As noted above, HRC is a very cool forum for support (even with Herb's random pictures.....).
Everyone was there for me when I was talking about my drinking some time ago, and it was so comforting just to know there were people who cared enough to give encouragement.
I'm in a similar line of thinking with dB-Wan on the support groups etc. But to each their own. They obviously work for many people. Just not my cup of tea. You need to do whatever fits you. One size doesn't always fit all. Whatever you choose, we'll be here.
Good luck, and stiff sails.
Ian
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