Its Friday - Music Humour
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Posted on Nov 10, 2006 11:43 am
BeerHunter
www.TheLondonProject.ca
Member Since: Feb 07, 2005
OK, no one get upset now. I've tried to equally offend everyone! :)
a banjo player stops in at a friends for dinner in a large city ,
leaving his beloved instrument in the back seat of his car ,
after dinner , as he is returning to his car ,
his heart drops as he notices that one of his car windows has been smashed ,
assuming the worst , he approaches his car, heart in hand ,
only to discover two more banjo's .......
Q-what's the toughest part of being a keyboard player in a rock band ?
A-telling your parents you're gay .
Q: What's the difference between a clarinet and an oboe?
A: An oboe burns longer.
Q: What's a burning oboe good for?
A: Setting bassoons on fire.
Q. How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One. Two. One. Two. One. Two.
Q. How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One, but the guitarist has to show him first
Q. How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None, just let the keyboard player use his left hand
Q. What do you call a drummer in a three piece suit?
A.the defendent
Q. If you drop a drummer and a bass player out the window - who hits the ground first?
A. who cares
Q.How do you make a guitar player shut up
A.give him sheet music
Q. What do you call hitting the toilet bowl with a viola without touching the rim?
A. Perfect Pitch
Q. what do you say to a drummer in a uniform?
A. big mac please.
Q. What do you calll a drummer without a girlfriend?
A. Homeless
Q. Whats the fastest way to get from beverly hills to the valley?
A. Marry a drummer.
Q. Why is emo grass the best??
A. Because it cuts itself.
Q. What does a stripper usually do with her ******* before she goes to work?
A. Drops him off at band practice.
Q. Did you hear the one about the drummer who froze to death at the drive-in movie?
A. He went to see "Closed for the Winter."
Q- What happened when the drummer locked his keys in the car?
A- The bass player couldn't get out.......
Q- How do you know there's a drummer at your door?
A- The knock speeds up
Q- How do you know there's a background singer at your door?
A- She can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.
Q.....What's got three legs and supports an a$$hole?
A......a drumstool
Q.....Why did the violin player leave a pair of drumsticks on the dashboard?
A......so he could park in the handicapped spot
Q.....What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?
A......Vibrato
Q......What's the difference between an electric guitar player and a vacuum cleaner?
A.......If you unplug the guitar player, he still sucks.
Q. why do they give drummers a little more brains than horses?
A. so they don't **** in the streets during the parades. . .
Q. What's the difference between an Accordion and an onion?
A. No-one cries when you chop up an Accordion
a guy buys his son a bass for his birthday and sends him off to his first bass lesson. the kid comes home and his dad says "so how was your first bass lesson?" and the kid says "great, i learned the first 3 notes on the E string" the dad says "wow, nice job"
one week later the kid comes home and the dad says "so, how was your 2nd bass lesson?" the kid says "great, i learned the first 3 notes on the A string" the dad says "wow, great job"
one week later the kid comes home and the dad says so how was your 3rd bass lesson the kid says...
"oh, i couldn't make it I had a gig"
Q. What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
A. Drool.
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TallChapAnswer:On a good day, lipstick.Member
Since: Jun 24, 2004
Nov 10, 2006 08:06 pm Okay, at the risk of sending this thread into another warp like those before it...
Q: How many singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. They don't share the spotlight.
Q: How many singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. They hold it up, and the world revolves around them.
Q: How many keyboard players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Actually, it's called a lamp, and it would certainly depend on the source, the complexity of the luminaire, and the recommended maintenance schedule of said lamp, and the mean voltage of the supply. In the case of low voltage....etc. etc. etc.
Q: What's the difference between cow manure, and an accordian?
A: Cow manure has uses.
Q: How many country bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One..Five...One...Five...
Q: How many canadian prog drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Light. In esoteric terms, it has been much on mind of late....The juxtaposition of luminosity versus the void. The ambivalence felt by those outside the realm of the ethereal....etc. etc. etc. (Possibly written while motorcycling across Africa...)
Q: How many chick singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: They can't work in those conditions!
Noize2uCzar of MidiAdministrator
Since: Apr 04, 2002
Nov 10, 2006 10:23 pm Well at least I didn't have to wipe snot off my moniter this time. But I did indeed get a good needed chuckle.
And try to remember, keyboard players weren't always gay. :-) And some of us can actually use two hands, sometimes on two differant keyboards.
And lastly, sorry I dont have any good ones to add.
Nov 10, 2006 11:32 pm I'm retired from playing, but now and then I check out the Internet classifieds just for fun, and save the most entertaining ads.
I found these two today. Enjoy.
LOOKING TO FORM
cant say
I am looking for four unique people to form a rock "bad" band. Qualifications are as follow; first human being must be a Black male,47 years old,must speak fluently,or close to it, an (any) native African language,be of the Muslim faith. Second human being must be a Chineese male,47 years old, must speak fluently,or close to it, Chineese or Cantoneese, be of the Buddhist faith. Third human being must be a Native American male,47 years old, must speak fluently,or close to it, a Native language, be of a Native faith. Forth human being must be a White male (arian),47 years old, must speak english fluently,or close to it, be of a protestant faith. Other qualifications will apply,such as smoke a little pot. Must possess other qualities such as, be highly kool, be super mature,calm and very emotionally together. My name is Leo Carrillo and Iam 47 years "Young" - all pun intended - will explain. I speak Spanish fluently and I am Cathlic. If you were born in the USA, can jam fluently on either drums, lead guitar, bass, or piano/key board,and of course any other instrument as to rock;like as in violin,harmonica; and of course any wind instruments.; as I myself strum "to" rythum guitar,please contact me as soon as possible if you want to be part of a super-duper group, as Iam ready to rock. This is a serious deal,so please no sarcastics. I have been waiting many years for this. Call me to find out if you meet some other minor prerequisits. I will field any questions as I am sure you will have, and I welcome these. Orale, ADIOS. call me at 320 - 632 - 5551.
Drummer wanted for Anime Cover Band
Ad:
We are looking for a drummer to complete the lineup of New York 's premeire Japanese Anime Cover Band, Otaku Ongaku (at least we think we're the premeire, we're not really sure of that yet). If you fit the following requirements, we want you!:
You must own a set of drums, and be able to play them reasonably well. (you have to sounds as good or better than our current drummer, aka my laptop MIDI output)
You must live in upstate new york (Preferably somewhere between Glenns Falls and Albany ), or be willing to commute to upstate new york for practice and shows. Practice will be on weekends, shows will be whatever nights we are offered them.
You must not be a Tanuki. If you are unsure about this, stand in font of a mirror and click on this link for reference- www.fur-shop.com/hakusei/tanuki.jpg. I cannot express how important it is that you not be a Tanuki.
You must be willing to perform in cosplay
You should be in the 20-27 year age range, and plan to be in upstate new york for a while.
You must be willing to play in a recreational cover band. We are not looking to become career musicians.
You must enjoy anime theme songs so much that it makes you want to spin kick your best friend's kid sister across the room whenever you hear one.
If you fit these requirements reasonably well, and are interested in being a part of the best japanese anime and video game theme cover band ever, send us a message on myspace and tell us:
Your name, age, and contact info
How long you've played drums, and any other bands you've played drums
What your favorite anime is
Who your favorite anime charecter is.
We hope to hear from some of you soon! If you are reading this and don't play drums, but know someone who does and you think might be interested, forward this along to them.
Arigato, Otaku Ongaku
pjkPrince CZAR-mingMember
Since: Apr 08, 2004
Nov 11, 2006 07:59 am wow, that's two gems.
No Tanuki need apply =)
TadpuiI am not a crook's headMember
Since: Mar 14, 2003
Nov 11, 2006 02:03 pm Hahahaha it was sooooo worth clicking on the Tanuki link :D
cooloFrisco's Most UnderratedMember
Since: Jan 28, 2003
Nov 13, 2006 01:09 pm damn, the tanuki link doesn't work anymore. cuz now I'm really curious what a tanuki is.
it's funny, cuz I actually really like the theme music for Naruto...I really like cartoons, and cartoon theme music... I could be in this band if I knew how to play an instrument...
Edit:
From Wikipedia...
Tanuki (狸 or タヌキ, Tanuki?) is often mistakenly translated as raccoon or badger, but tanuki are in fact raccoon dogs (Nyctereutes procyonoides), a canid species native to Japan. Tanuki have been part of Japanese mythology since ancient times. The mythical tanuki is reputed to be mischievous and jolly, a master of disguise and shapeshifting, but somewhat gullible and absent-minded.
[edit] Folklore
Statues of tanuki can be found outside many Japanese temples and restaurants, especially noodle shops. These statues often wear big, cone-shaped hats and carry bottles of sake in one hand, and a "promissory note" (a bill it never pays), or sometimes an empty purse, in the other hand. Tanuki statues always have a large belly, and contemporary sculptures may or may not show them with the traditional large testicles. These exaggerated features represent fertility and plenty. Called Kin-tama (Golden Balls) in Japanese, the testes are supposedly symbols of good luck rather than overt sexual symbols (the Japanese are more tolerant of low humor than most Western nations).
This current humorous image of tanuki is thought to have developed during the Kamakura era. The actual wild tanuki has unusually large testicles, a feature that is often comically exaggerated in artistic depictions of the creature. Tanuki may be shown with their testicles flung over their backs like a traveller's pack, or using them as drums. Tanuki are also typically depicted as having large bellies. They may be depicted drumming on their bellies instead of their testicles, especially in children's art.
TadpuiI am not a crook's headMember
Since: Mar 14, 2003
Nov 13, 2006 01:43 pm This Tanuki was definitely from the latter definition...it was wearing a hat and had a handbag :D
Yeah I guess I'd want to make sure to keep those out of any band of mine as well hehehe. Who'd want to be shown up by a big-balled cross-dressing raccoon?
