May 11, 2004 10:55 pm I like them. I really gives you a good image of what you were writing about. Im guessing you werent in the happiest mood when you wrote these?
Lyrics: I'm So Cold
Posted on May 11, 2004 10:52 pm
CompSem
Member Since: May 03, 2004
Ok, so this is out there...
I'm So Cold
©CompSem
I breathe
Shallow and slow
I am disconnected from my hands
They act on their own
And I watch
Still as a stone
Staring at their handiwork
Cheap Scotch
Another slurp
Teeth clenched
Drenched in sweat
Knuckles crack
Turn my back
In silence
And I'm so cold…
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May 11, 2004 10:55 pm I like them. I really gives you a good image of what you were writing about. Im guessing you werent in the happiest mood when you wrote these?
May 11, 2004 11:53 pm Hey rightside, thanks for reading my lyrics!
I'm actually a happy guy. But sometimes, well, sometimes things get me down... So, I write a bit dark...
May 12, 2004 12:40 pm The lyrics make you pause in interest. I reread it several times to try get a feel for what you were saying. It hints at a hidden meaning (that I'm not sure I grasped) without seeming pretentious. Is it about something specific?
May 12, 2004 01:06 pm Thanks for reading and responding Tincan. These lyrics are like poetry, but meant to be sung to some abstract music, you know, a little on the edge. They could be describing something specific, but my goal was to paint emotions in text. Tell me what you felt or what you think it's about or what you see. We're here to discuss and I'd love to hear your impression. Please don't worry about being pretentious or hurting my feelings.
May 12, 2004 01:21 pm Well, ok, here's what I got...
"I am disconnected from my hands
They act on their own
And I watch
Still as a stone
Staring at their handiwork"
that part makes me think that the subject is trying to create a mental barrier against their own actions, and the resulting feeling of guilt
"Turn my back
In silence
And I'm so cold…"
and that part, to me, seems to say that although the guilt may have been shrugged off by the subject, they do so at the cost of their own self image. "I'm so cold" - I take to mean that the subject is feeling like they are monstrous for having done whatever it was, and not truly feeling the guilt of their actions.
Am I close? To be honest, I got the impression that this was about some kind of post-sex guilt of some kind, possibly nonconsensual... or maybe I'm looking for something that isn't there... I don't know... :)
May 12, 2004 02:50 pm Your analysis is quite correct. That's exactly what I was trying to get the reader to feel:
"...the subject is feeling like they are monstrous for having done whatever it was, and not truly feeling the guilt of their actions."--Tincan
But not post-sex guilt, rather post-anything guilt. I was trying to escape the specifics and allow the reader (or the listener when it's put to music) to impose their own specifics. And to hopefully feel these same emotions, which I think we all feel once in a while.
May 13, 2004 12:06 pm well done, if i have time i might do a quicky "off the cuff, 1 track acoustic/singing at the same time unplanned 1 take thing" to see if anything good comes out, if you dont mind.
May 13, 2004 12:25 pm haaha, thats all i can do!
May 14, 2004 05:15 pm Its dun. played 1 time acoustic/vocal at the same time. I double tracked for the effect. Man it just rolled out. Good writing
Its here at HRC in my music section. We might just have to fluff this one out together and make a really good song happen out of it! I enjoyed singing it.
www.homerecordingconnecti...usic&id=263
May 14, 2004 07:08 pm Tony, that was incredible. I really dig it. So cold, so dark, maybe even, dare I say it, evil sounding. You really captured the lyrics! I agree it's short. Hopefully others will critique and we'll figure out the next thing. I could write more. I love the stuff you added and manipulated to take the poem lyrically further. Very, very cool... Dark...
May 14, 2004 07:47 pm i dig it too. thats a voice i dont use alot. ive got engagements this weekend, but ill tweak. listen to what i did and throw some more lyrics at me... this could be good!!!
edit: in singing this, i feel like an older gunfighter, thats killed one too man innocent people, and is confessing. i dont know why, but thats the character i became.....
May 14, 2004 07:56 pm and now that i made the edit, i listned again.... IT IS A GREAT GUNFIGHER SONG!!!!!just abstract, but once you think about it, it fits!!!
May 14, 2004 07:59 pm i dig it more and more
May 14, 2004 08:42 pm the guy singing has become his own character- lets call him something... he needs a name, we could do an album around him
im thinking something like steven kings "gunslinger" abstract yet real......
Edit: im listening over and over, ya hes a hit man... sounds like in his heart he knows its wrong, but hes telling himself that its ok, and hes right.....
May 15, 2004 11:09 am Yup, hitman. That's it! I'm gonna Email you some more lyrics so we don't clutter it up here. We can post the finished ones, Ok?
May 15, 2004 01:13 pm yeah these lyrics remind me clearly of murder.
these are cool. i wonder if i might be able to take a lesson from your style here. it seems lean and efficient at what its trying to do.
the minimalist effect keeps the wordage down to the essentials...down to the basics that are needed to convey the emotion, which comes through clearly and immediately. there's high image-density here, but yet the context has to be user-supplied. 'leaving out the middle' is one of the lyrical tactics i really believe in. it draws the listener in and makes them co-creative in the song. it creates a bit of mystery as well.
and closely related to THAT is an idea i know that Db and some others here are fond of, myself included: the occasional dash of apparent nonsense can often tie right in with that and contribute to the effect. you havent used that here. i'm just rambling.
i've been searching (half-assedly) for a long time for a lyrical style that suits my rather stringent lyrical belief system. your emotional impressionistic word-painting/scene-setting is another tactic i'll keep in mind.
my only question about these lyrics: what does it mean for the character to have awareness of these particular images and sensations--his own physical reactions--as opposed to some other images and sensations? are these the types of things you notice when you're blocking something? i don't think he really is.
actually you know what this reminds me of? maybe dennis hopper's character in the movie river's edge. he claimed to hate killing. but he did it anyway sometimes. it was the only way he could really get close to anyone. he killed them and then mourned for them, in order to feel connected.
May 15, 2004 01:32 pm I like your take on this. The minimalist approach seems to allow some of the character to only be presented by the singer. It's vague enough that a listener can apply almost any shameful, dirty thing anyone does. So, do I think this character is blocking? Not really, maybe he has a duality of mind and the two are speaking at different times. Maybe they constantly struggle for control. Dono, but I liked that movie. Maybe being aware of his physical actions takes his mind off the victim? Having read a little about serial murder, some killers say they feel like they are watching a movie of themselves, or even someone else when they perpetrate. I also think when the character focuses on his hands, sweat, teeth, he's revealing some weird obcessive nature of his temperament.
May 15, 2004 06:09 pm yeah i got the impression that through writing/singing this bit of verse, the character is actually rationalizing things to himself, painting a picture of himself for himself, a picture where he's convincing himself that he's upset about this dark side of hismelf, or removed from it, or ashamed of it...but if you think about it, it's almost like he's drawn to these feelings. romanticizing the darkness says something implicitly, it would seem.
May 17, 2004 09:50 am I think so too. He's trying to "feel" human, but he can't. He's obcessing with it, consumed...
May 17, 2004 10:30 am Cool stuff guys. I really like this sort of combination stuff. I really like the lyrics because of their sound and obvious attachment to reality. I think that you can tell that they came out from the soul and thus have quality. Jack Kerouac believed that only stuff that came out pure was really good. And in zen and art of motorcycle maintenance the author discusses in depth about quality. I think this sort of pure art that you guys did here is what its all about in the end. A sort of underlying quality that one senses even with imperfect production. Awsome stuff!
May 17, 2004 10:54 am I really think Tony did a great job. He has me convinced. Thanks Mauz.
"Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion."--Jack Kerouac
May 18, 2004 06:58 am Wow, Thanks for all the comments. I just listend again- and i still dig it. ill check my email compsem and see what we can do. Im still a little ragged out from the weekend. by thursday ill be a little more alive.
May 19, 2004 08:56 pm dun, its here as a finished ruf draft.... it includes the rest of your lyrics compsem-tiny extra guitar and some other things.....
i added on to save time, but its cool in its own way. its a rough draft... dont be too harsh. the killers got feelings.. and i think he shows hes a little crazy at the end..
lemme know! hit my music section on hrc!
May 24, 2004 09:57 am Hey Tony!
It's awesome! I think you've done a great job on this. I was out the last couple days, so I'm trying to catch up now.
May 24, 2004 11:17 am Ill try the next step this week, basic drums- and real guitar, ect ect all on diffrent tracks this time (thats a 1 time through singing and playing on same track) gotta get it down to 4 min too. I think we could use 2 more abstract songs about this guy, i think this should be part 2. Lemme know!
May 24, 2004 06:20 pm I will email you tonight. I'm having ISP troubles at home.
May 27, 2004 07:39 am well, i got roped into some serious work the last 2 days. so ive been out of the loop. im back now. slowly working back into the fold
May 27, 2004 07:56 am Me 2. I'm catching up though. My email has been screwed by my ISP. Email to you has bounced, but not on your side, my ISP is doing some crap.
May 27, 2004 08:18 am Send you an email, to email me at work.....
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