New song idea, still needs vox work... Suggestions?

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Czar of Turd Polish
Member Since: Jun 20, 2006

So I came up with a riff that is very... schmoopy :) It is not my normal bag but I thought with the right vox it would work out well.

Can I get some opinions please, I am looking mainly for info on the songwriting itself. The mix has a couple issues (need more bass, volume envelope on acoustics to bring em down during chorus etc.. etc..)

Last but not least, the lead vox are my first attempt and although I like a couple lines there will be changes to both the lyrics and singing, hopefully for the better. I need to capture my semi-scratchy voice as it seems to come through the best imo (couple lines in the second verse).

Before I go changing a bunch of stuff though, I figured I'd hit yall up. Someone probably has a much better idea on this style of music than I do.

Also, should I do drums over it? Some light airy room mic type stuff maybe?

Oh yeah, under my profile here... song is called "Still Here".


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Since: Nov 27, 2007

Sep 17, 2008 06:01 pm

man i like it, dont think your voice is scratchy at all. i would put some percussion , maybe hats or something in there at some point after the first vrse

Czar of Turd Polish
Since: Jun 20, 2006

Sep 17, 2008 06:05 pm

Something soft right? Just a little time keeper :)

On the scratchy voice, I like it actually. It is not a bad thing, but something I do when really into singing with some power. Scratchy may be the wrong word. The 1st and 3rd lines of the second verse just have a little crackle in them which I really like and want more of.

Alas, I may be 100% off the mark and that's why I ask you guys :)

Veni, MIDI, Vici
Since: Jul 02, 2008

Sep 17, 2008 09:59 pm

Very good Cpt. Hey man it's the blues so who cares that a voice crackles. :-) That only adds to the authenticity.

Some light percussion would be nice, not too heavy, that will take away from the voice and I would suggest crankin' up the bass some.

Very "schmoopy" indeed.

Czar of Midi
Since: Apr 04, 2002

Sep 17, 2008 10:07 pm

I liked it as well. On the drums, yes indeed that would add some flavor to it for sure. But yes indeed, keep them kind of out of the way. I know you have a good room to do the single mic thing and capture a distant room sound on the kit and that is what I would do for it honestly. If the room doesn't give enough air then use a small tight reverb as well. But a mono single mic room sound would be killer there for sure.

I liked the arrangement and think it worked out well. I also agree that some bottom end would work out well on this. Not a big huge bass, but again like the drum suggestion an open tight bass sound would work well with this.

I chuckled at the shmoopy cliam on this and at first was kind of hearing a Beach Boys thing going on. But that gave way to a bit more original feel to the track.

I wanna listen again tomorrow a bit louder to get a better feel for it.

Since: Jul 02, 2003

Sep 18, 2008 03:17 am

Yeah, I like it as well. :) Does start out with that Beach Boys sound and then moves on. It's always good IMO to move out of one's normal type of music, brings new & creative ideas to the surface. I do agree a bit of percussion and bass would really make it shine. Nice sound on the guitars and the vox are great as well.

Since: Nov 27, 2007

Sep 18, 2008 06:47 am

it actually has a "Sugar Ray" kinda feel.

Czar of Turd Polish
Since: Jun 20, 2006

Sep 18, 2008 12:28 pm

There actually is a bass line atm, it's just kinda quiet. It was a long day and sometimes those mixes can trick you into thinking something is loud after listening for hours. Next mix will have it up a bit.

Czar of Midi
Since: Apr 04, 2002

Sep 18, 2008 09:56 pm

Wow, Sugar Ray. I can kinda hear that now. Nice.

Since: Apr 26, 2006

Sep 20, 2008 12:12 am

You've got a nice voice man. Maybe I'm out there on this one but its rare that I hear a song that can go in two completely opposite directions and and work just as well both ways. At one point I could see the drums in there for sure, and then it seemed as if congas and timbale drums would have worked as well. Just in a very different way. nice piece.

Prince CZAR-ming
Since: Apr 08, 2004

Sep 20, 2008 09:10 am

nice work.

I'm thinking a real island feel. bouncy and ska-like.

I think the basic premise of the song will carry it through the entire song. I'm not so sold on the distorted guitar chorus parts. I'm much more liking the verse areas, acoustic/bass (percussion).

Instead of distorted guitar, maybe an EP or similar, B3, or something. Beef up the chorus, but not overpower the island feel. Maybe a brass / sax section instead. hmmm.

speaking of percussion, i'm hearing a conga, with clave, maybe. not so much the rock/country percussion, more islandy.

Bass, I was thinking of an acoustic bass. I just love an acoustic bass =)

I like your voice, it's got a kind of rasp to it at times, which is a good thing. Keep it up.
Since: Nov 27, 2007

Sep 20, 2008 09:26 am

im with you there pjk, the Islandy feel is the way to go there it think.

i suppose just keep going the way your headed with the song, as you were doing to start with.

Because its naturally your way, it will work.

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