Jan 23, 2008 03:44 pm ha haa,
what? no blond jokes?
now i'm offended
=).
Warning: potentially offensive (yet funny) jokes inside
Posted on Jan 23, 2008 03:41 pm
coolo
Frisco's Most Underrated
Member Since: Jan 28, 2003
Saw this on another forum. I found it funny. If you find it offensive, well I already warned you, you didn't have to click.
Lets Offend Everyone
Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar
Q. What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other?
A. A speech impediment
Q. What does it mean when the Post Office's flag is flying at half-mast?
A. They're hiring
Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.
Q. What do you call a Mississippi farmer with a sheep under each arm?**
A. A pimp.
Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday! and Thursda y, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of
the cage along with a recipe.
Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the "F" word?
A. Get another sweet little
80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"
Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale???
A northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****."*!
Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in
the United States.*
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Jan 23, 2008 03:44 pm ha haa,
what? no blond jokes?
now i'm offended
=).
Jan 23, 2008 08:11 pm These are great coolo, good find, had a good chuckle out of them!
Dan
Jan 23, 2008 08:36 pm I'm offended that no one offended my country, ya'll gotta try harder!
Jan 23, 2008 09:10 pm lets see... you're swedish...so:
------------------------------
Did you ever hear about the swede who hijacked a submarine and asked for 100.00 Kronor in ransom and a parachute?
------------------
Then there's the story about the swede who was building himself a house. One of his friends came by and asked why the heck he threw away every second nail? "They have the nail-head in the wrong end", the man replied. His friend became furious with him and shouted, "How stupid can you get? Don't you realize that those nails were made to be used on the other side of the house???"
---------------------------------
.... And now, the news:
A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Sweden. Swedish search and rescue workers have recovered 3000 bodies thus far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening...
------------------
A swedish space-scientist came running into the office of his norwegian colleague. "The swedes will be the first to send a manned spaceship to the sun," he said. The norwegian colleague responded, "But the temperature will be millions of degrees there!" The swede stood there for a few seconds thinking, then he said, "Oh, don't worry, we will be landing during the night."
--------------------
"This letter is too heavy," the post-clerk stated, "You will have to put on an additional stamp." The swede looked wonderingly at him, "Will it be lighter then?" he asked.
---------------------
A swede was driving along an interstate-highway for the first time. As he was listening to the radio the music was suddenly interrupted by a warning message which said that there was a car driving the wrong way on the highway. "ONE?" the swede yells out, "there are several hundred of them out there!"
----------------
There was a power failure in Stockholm, and hundreds of swedes were trapped in escalators.
---------------------
There was this group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, whereupon a guy got up and said that he could tell a swedish joke. Suddenly a woman in the back of the bus said, "No, don't do that. I'm swedish." The guide looked at her and said, "Oh, that's okay. We'll explain it to you afterwards."
--------------------
A swede was reading the phonebook, "Svenson... Svenson.. Svenson.. It's incredible how many phones that guy has."
------------------
Jan 23, 2008 09:25 pm was that directed at me zek? coz im Thai... not swedish but my last name is Svenson......
Jan 24, 2008 08:42 am Love the Post Office "Now Hiring". That has got to be put into the lyrics of some song somehow.
Jan 24, 2008 10:11 pm crux, I had one for you but I can't find it at the moment.
Jan 25, 2008 07:40 pm Crux, it took me a second but I came up with...
Did you hear about the Asian javelin-throwing contest?
It ended up in a Thai.
Yeh, good thing I don't do this for a living.
Jan 25, 2008 07:46 pm hahahahahahahaha, damn, thats funny.
Jan 27, 2008 07:43 pm Herb, that is good. I couldn't come up with any stuff that was funny enough to post.
Jan 27, 2008 08:22 pm I'm still offended by the fact that that joke wasnt offensive at all
Jan 27, 2008 10:02 pm crux, I'll make it my mission this week to find an offensive one then.
Jan 27, 2008 10:53 pm ok ok... your myspace profile said swede... but for thai jokes...
---------------------------
Thai politeness:
Four Thai's were standing out in a torrential monsoon rain without an umbrella, when all of a sudden they spotted an umbrella laying on the ground next to them....... Guess what happened next.........
Nothing they all stood there and continued getting wet.
------------------------------
USA decided to commission a new roadshow to promote manufacturing USA brands in CHina for the SE ASian market. They decided to get pitches for the production of the road show from 3 countries: Thailand, Singapore and China.
The Singaporean guy was first, and said $1m USD, based on an extensive logistics study that revealed ways to produce the roadshow out of MDF, using the latest in laser inkjet printing and sourcing local talent. The Americans were well impressed.
The Chinese guy was next, and said he could do it for $500k USD, based on cheap labour, loss leading and no margin. He said he wanted the work, to develop a relationship and expertise with the roadshow type of work. The Americans then turned to the Thai contractor...
The Thai bidder said "2.5m USD"
When asked why are you so much more than the other two bidders, the answer came as follows:
"1m for you, 1m for me, and we get the Chinese guy to do it"
------------------------------------
(I don't have a translation but people say it's funny :/ )
pom seu yaa meuwan, paeng maak 40,000 baht.
wow, yaa arai?
yaa maha!
------------------------------------
and the obvious thai joke
------------------------------------
Jan 28, 2008 04:18 am Haha Zek, those are some goodies, the "joke" one... man do people do that one alot. but the contractors.. classic
Translation of joke
I bought some medicinne(ya) yesterday it was very expensive, 40,000 baht!
wow, what kind of medicine (ya)?
Ya-ma-ha (as in the motorcycle)
Yeah, almost all thai jokes r plays on words
btw, still not offended, i think im just desensitized
Jan 28, 2008 05:39 am Ah primary school...
Why do birds fly upside down over Australia ?
It's not worth shitting on.
Why was Jesus not born in Australia?
You'd have a hard job finding three wise men, much less a virgin.
What's the difference between yoghurt and Australians?
At least yoghurt starts with a little culture.
What does an Australian girl use for protection during sex ?
A bus shelter.
__________
Two Aussies are adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions one of them finds an old lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie suddenly appears. This genie tells them that he only grants one wish.
Without giving much thought to the matter, the lamp finder blurts out, "Turn the entire ocean into VB!"
The genie claps his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turns into beer.
The genie disappears and only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull breaks the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
The second Aussie turns to the first and says, "Nice going mate! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat."
Jan 28, 2008 07:31 pm CS, I dated an Aussie girl once. And she didn't use a buss shelter. :-) Not sure what she used really, but I know she didn't shave her legs or use deodorant.
Nice looking soup there zek. Doesn't look like the porridge, but a Thai truck driver we have brings us in this chicken porridge soup stuff that the brand of it appears to be Joke. Its like the instant noodles package, just add hot water and your good to go. Tasty stuff if ya ask me though.
Jan 28, 2008 07:42 pm yeah, with the no leg shaving and no deodorant, i don't think there would be a second date. I don't think we'd get to bus shelter mode either.
Jan 28, 2008 10:40 pm Well it wasn't a bus shelter, but that was how I found out about the no shaving and little stinky.
And no, there was no second date!
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