World History - As it really happened.....

Posted on

www.TheLondonProject.ca
Member Since: Feb 07, 2005

Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern
civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting
around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair-dressing. This was the
beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are
standard liberal fare.

Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood
and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it
wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for
nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other "true believers."

While it may be true that these facts are mildly distorted, I'll bet you ended up with a smile ~~~
I did....


"Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being."
-Goethe

[ Back to Top ]


bace135 in the house tonight!
Member
Since: Jan 28, 2003


Dec 14, 2006 02:19 pm

so, what smug jackass wrote that?

Edit:
I love how conservatives love to portray liberals as "girlie men" and sissies, but challenge them to a fight and they're the first to call the police (or reach for a gun)!

db not included cuz he'd prolly beat me up with all that MMA training and what not...

www.TheLondonProject.ca
Member
Since: Feb 07, 2005


Dec 14, 2006 02:25 pm

Sorry, not trying to offend anyone. I'm a Canuck eh.

bace135 in the house tonight!
Member
Since: Jan 28, 2003


Dec 14, 2006 02:33 pm

sorry, those comments weren't pointed at you beerhunter, just in general.

"It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it"

this line was kinda rang true except for the urge to forward it...

Ne'er ate 'er
Member
Since: Apr 05, 2006


Dec 14, 2006 02:51 pm

This one's for Coolo. By the way, I'm a centrist, and I didn't write this.


Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

Jesus loves you and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. Resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Tobacco's link to cancer is junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 1980s is irrelevant.


Summary:
Friends don't let friends vote Republican.

Member
Since: Jan 18, 2003


Dec 14, 2006 05:25 pm

the bits about beer--at the beginning--were funny.


Eat Spam before it eats YOU!!!
Member
Since: May 11, 2002


Dec 14, 2006 08:48 pm

...actually it should be noted that the first supression of a rebellion against the US government was because of a tax on whiskey... and that rebellion led to the creation of standing US Armed Forces.

Oddly those against the tax were members of the Democratic-republican party... who during the war of 1812 introduced pretty much the same taxs...

Czar of Midi
Administrator
Since: Apr 04, 2002


Dec 14, 2006 09:51 pm

I simply liked the beer part, and the deer I guess as well.

SM7b the Chuck Noris of Mic's
Contributor
Since: Jun 20, 2002


Dec 14, 2006 10:00 pm

beer good . beer make man, happy.

Member
Since: Jan 18, 2003


Dec 14, 2006 11:53 pm

i was happy to see the new 'man law' commercial which makes 'adding fruit to beer' a man-crime. i have been teasing my pal for liking corona with lime for a few years now.

Administrator
Since: Apr 03, 2002


Dec 15, 2006 06:18 am

me too, I had to pull a "don't fruit the pizza" yesterday at work...

Czar of Midi
Administrator
Since: Apr 04, 2002


Dec 15, 2006 02:50 pm

I can accept a lime in a couple of beers that really need to help, if it is the only beer of choice. I can't however accept a beer that is brewed with fruit, chocolate or any other foreign substance not found in the most common of beer's.

Rice for example is not something a normal beer should have in it. Therefor I will not drink that certain beer which will remain nameless since I have and will continue to work for their parent comppany. :-)

But I agree, fruit has its place, not in beer or on pizza. If you must have pineapple on your food please put it on your ham were it belongs, not on my friggin pizza!

I am not a crook's head
Member
Since: Mar 14, 2003


Dec 15, 2006 03:00 pm

I think that mexican beers are the exception to the "dont fruit the beer" man-law. I mean, can you really drink a Tecate without a lime to kill that gag-reflex-inducing aftertaste?

SM7b the Chuck Noris of Mic's
Contributor
Since: Jun 20, 2002


Dec 15, 2006 04:24 pm

hay I like XX and it doesn't need a lime. But most heffin's it's customary to but a lemon wedge in em.

Administrator
Since: Apr 03, 2002


Dec 15, 2006 04:30 pm

if it needs a lime it's not good beer.

Hold 'Em Czar
Member
Since: Dec 30, 2004


Dec 15, 2006 05:19 pm

agreed 100%

and XX Amber draft is my fav!

www.TheLondonProject.ca
Member
Since: Feb 07, 2005


Dec 15, 2006 05:36 pm

Does *Clamato juice count as fruit? 'Cause I sure like beer and Clamato juice once in a while. I would never have it with a good beer but it sure makes some of our other swill taste good.

I'm pretty picky when it comes to beer... its got to be really cold.... well, doesn't have to be that cold.... actually it can be warm :)

* Clamato might be just a Canadian juice, I'm not sure but it is basically a spiced up tomato juice.

Czar of Midi
Administrator
Since: Apr 04, 2002


Dec 15, 2006 07:08 pm

BeerHunter, Clamato is here in the US as well. I used to do that when we drank cheap beer. That is a good taste indeed. I haven't had Clamato in a long time. I may be looking to aquire some of that this weekend now that you mention it.

But I don't know if that crosses the line or not.

Member
Since: Jan 18, 2003


Dec 15, 2006 10:28 pm

oh, man. it has clams in it? gag!

pineapple: one time i was starving and the only thing around were some hawaiian pizzas some peeps had ordered. so i wolfed down that pineapple ham thing and enjoyed it. what i find is that although the taste of that is just fine to me, it's NEVER the right time for hawaiian style pizza. not when you have all sorts of much better toppings available.


Czar of Midi
Administrator
Since: Apr 04, 2002


Dec 15, 2006 10:33 pm

forty, it doesn't taste like clams.

Much any way.

Well there aren't really clams in it that you can chew on if that is what your worried about.

Member
Since: Jan 18, 2003


Dec 16, 2006 12:32 am

even a hint of clams is too much clams for me. im not saying that based on taste but based on what clams are. i have a psychological aversion to shellfish.

Czar of Midi
Administrator
Since: Apr 04, 2002


Dec 16, 2006 12:49 am

I see, I know a lot of peep's that don't care for the shellfish either. Some actually get physically sick at even the sight.

Me and the boyz on the other hand have a psychological attraction to shellfish.

Member
Since: Jan 18, 2003


Dec 16, 2006 02:07 am

they dont make me sick. i just cant get over the fact that they're faceless muscles in the ocean. like, why? theyre just muscles which eat. to me that is screwed up.

i ate mussels once. my dad had tried to get me to taste them for 27 years. one day i surprised him and said out of the blue 'ok, i'll try one.' we hadn't been talking about them, so it was funny. it was like a 27 year discussion that had just finally came to completion. those mussels tasted like the smell of a certain stack of magazines my friend and i found on the curb one year when we were 14. we took those magazines for the ARTICLES, but they smelled like a musty basement. and that was the exact taste of these mussels.

weird...


Ne'er ate 'er
Member
Since: Apr 05, 2006


Dec 16, 2006 03:05 am

Thanks alot fortymile, for bringing up that October evening in 1968 when the bottom fell out of my mother's wringing washing machine, and the neighbor guy came over to fix it, and then her cheap Avon perfume made him horny. Thanks alot.

Member
Since: Jan 18, 2003


Dec 16, 2006 05:50 am

how do you know the perfume made him that way?

Czar of Midi
Administrator
Since: Apr 04, 2002


Dec 16, 2006 01:11 pm

forty, I agree most shellfish, mostly as you stated mussel, clam and oyster are an acquired taste. I think my love for them came from sitting with my uncle while he swilled beer and ate smoked oyster and kippered snacks out of those old cans. Now my kids love the stuff as well. But the canned ones are kind of spendy these days. I have loved the stuff ever since. When we were in the Florida Keys it was like heaven eating all that stuff fresh and raw.

Herb, a ringer washer? When I was much younger I did a stint working for Sears as a service tech years ago. And wringer washers were the cake jobs. So easy to work on that we would have to draw straw's to see who would get the call. Man I miss those days.

Member
Since: Jan 18, 2003


Dec 16, 2006 05:59 pm

i kinda wish i could break my aversion to the clams and such. a keys vacation would obviously be superior if you could get into the seafood.

Czar of Midi
Administrator
Since: Apr 04, 2002


Dec 16, 2006 09:00 pm

Oh absolutely, I would do the Keys again in a heartbeat. I may go again in 2008 as the youngest will be doing Seabase with the scouts then and I might tag along. Sailing an 80 foot schooner around the Keys and snorkling and the like was awsome. But indeed the food was fantastic and not real expensive either. And honeslty there are tons of things to do, the nightlife is, well its not boring! The sights were amazing as well. And if your a male and enjoy sights as I do it is one hell of a place to be. Just make sure you check their adams apple, if you get my drift. The boyz thought several looked very good, untill they were informed of certain aspects of the Keys. :-O

Right at the end of the pier we were docked at was the best of them all as far as the restaurant's go. I oredered a sampler platter of all raw goodies, clams, mussles, shrimp and some other goodies I can't recall. I ended up ordering another as Tuna and one other scout that was with us scarffed over half of it up. The best bet is to squeeze a little lemon on em and a couple drops of tabasco and your good to go.

But there are tons of other goodies to eat there as well, even if you don't like shellfish. On the ship we caught and ate several different species of fish and it was all good.

Related Forum Topics:



If you would like to participate in the forum discussions, feel free to register for your free membership.