Lyrics For Critique: The Writing of the Stone
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Posted on May 05, 2004 06:31 pm
CompSem
Member Since: May 03, 2004
This is kind-of cryptic/poetic. I have no music planned for it yet, not even sure what would work with this. And you should probably read a bit at this website first: members.xoom.virgilio.it/mmmgroup/e-rocks.html
The Writing of the Stone
© CompSem, Unpublished work
Upon the bed, a writer tells
A story he once knew.
Where every line composed compels,
The reader to review.
And as the plot begins to set,
The message soon reveals.
That a lonely life of deep regret,
Cuts deep and never heals.
It’s true, the author never heard,
The words that passed his way.
How can a passage so absurd
Lie written in the clay?
Across the page, with pen in hand,
No parchment may have shown.
His signature engraves the sand,
‘Tis the writing of the stone.
The writing of the stone.
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May 06, 2004 11:04 am Interesting though, I posted this to another discussion group last month and the common thought (actually, the only comment) was that it didn't make any sense. So if nobody says anything here, I won't be surprised. Might even be rather humorous.
May 06, 2004 11:07 am I rarely toss in my opinion on lyrics, cuz to me lyrical content of a song is moot. I don't care if they mean anything or not, or even if they are understandable. To me it's just another instrument.
You may have better luck posting in a poetry forum...just a thought.
May 06, 2004 11:13 am You're probably right about the poetry. I'm not bummed though. And I too think that lyrics are not that important. But I was curious and I didn't want people to feel bad if no one said anything. Thanks!
DanMember
Since: Nov 21, 2002
May 06, 2004 05:00 pm i really dig it man, very cool. good rhythm and rhyme... they make perfect sense to me.
and even if they didnt, just listen to some of bob dylan's lyrics, some pretty obscure lyrics.
id definitely like to hear ya get some music behind this
May 06, 2004 05:20 pm Hey thanks Dan! I appreciate your taking a look at this. Yeah, I think Dylan is a bit cryptic at times too. I like cryptic anyway. I'm not sure what kind of music I'll write for this. If you have any ideas. let me know...
Noize2uCzar of MidiAdministrator
Since: Apr 04, 2002
May 06, 2004 08:59 pm It reads as something you might hear from Enigma or an eclectic band of that nature. Lyrics of that nature need something moving that is definately not a pop type sound. Electronic or ambient music would go good behind those lyrics for sure.
I had a peek at your website as well and listened to some of your pieces. I must say you have a very broad selection there. I havent checked out the movies yet but intend to a bit later on.
Anyway, welcome to HRC.
May 06, 2004 10:13 pm Hey Noize, Enigma is really on the mark! Of course, that's pretty intimidating too. Yeah, I can't write just one style. I was doomed from the start. Ukelele being my first instrument. Thanks for the welcome!
Noize2uCzar of MidiAdministrator
Since: Apr 04, 2002
May 06, 2004 11:10 pm Yes, Enigma had a pretty heavy influance on me when first heard them. Not really intimidating when you break it down, they just use sounds no one was familier with so it was very pleasant, and still is. Their newest disc is very differant from where thye started though.
I read you little discriptor at the top of your site. You sound very much like myself. Classicly trained on Piano, but then I went off course at age nine after 5 years of piano and was comping on the Hammond B3 and asked to start playing in local school bands. From there it just snowballed. I think the classical training is what led me down the path of scoring films and such. But I am very into all things electronic. If you sneak into my profile and then music, listen to Gotta. www.homerecordingconnecti...=music&id=5 It was done completely in Cakewalks Project 5. No real synths at all, everything virtual except the guitar parts.
And I will let ya know which is my favorite tune after I listen to them all, and the movies as well.
glynbMember
Since: Dec 16, 2002
May 07, 2004 07:42 am Hi,
Thanks for posting the lyric. I'm no poet myself, no expert. But I agree that as written currently it doesn't make sense. Now you mentioned Dylan's lyrics as an example of not making sense. And that's true in the literal sense. Thing is, you can write lyrics and not make sense and be 'poetic' so it doesn't really matter and you can write descriptive lyrics about real events and make sense and that's good too. But i think your lyric falls between the two, it's neither poetry, or telling a story.
There are loads of boards where you can discuss lyrics and get feedback and there are usualy listed certain 'guidelines' rules is too strong and as soon as you mention 'rules' someone will come back with the 'there ARE NO RULES' post.
I think good advice is to look at every word, every line, each phrase and think about if it really makes sense - is there a better word/line?
Upon the bed, a writer tells
A story he once knew.
[He knew the story, but doesn't know it anymore? How come he's telling it then? Surely '...he once heard'?]
Where every line composed compels,
The reader to review.
And as the plot begins to set,
[Does a plot 'set'? Sounds like cement or something - a plot tends to 'reveal itself' or 'unfold' or something, no?]
The message soon reveals.
That a lonely life of deep regret,
Cuts deep and never heals. [nice]
It’s true, the author never heard,
The words that passed his way.
How can a passage so absurd
Lie written in the clay?
[This is a riddle, like stuff by Edward lear!]
Across the page, with pen in hand,
No parchment may have shown.
His signature engraves the sand,
[Is it clay or sand this thing is written in?]
‘Tis the writing of the stone.
The writing of the stone.
I think to write a good lyric is very difficult indeed for most of us - far more difficult than a good tune. It helps if you have something to say about something or a clear idea of where to go with a story.
Hope you're not offended. Maybe I'm stupid and just don't 'get it' with your lyric, if so appologies!!
MauzgrrrrrrrMember
Since: Mar 29, 2004
May 07, 2004 08:27 am Cool man. Now you get my comments and I am going to be frank. As dB says its just another instrument. I agree with him but not because of how it sounds in the song. THe voice of your soul is an instrument and the words express the feeling that you are trying to portray. The words are there they just need to be grabbed.
One thing I cant stand is words that ryhme TOO well. Like 'knew' and 'review'. 'reveals' and 'heals'. Hurts me mauzy ears. I tihnk that if you are making things ryhme this well then you are thinking too much about what your writing and less about expressing the voice of your soul.
Find the voice of your soul. Grab a book like the biography of Jack Keroac and see what they were trying to do. THose dead beat boys discovered the voice of the soul like jazz discovered the music of the soul. Just let it flow unhindered. It takes practice but its basically like playing an instrument without thinking about technique. Just going with the sound.
No harsh feelings dude. Just trying to be positevely critical. Ultimately it comes down to taste. Just that I have particular tastes when it comes to poetry.
May 07, 2004 10:23 am Hey thanks for the critiques!
glynb:
No offense taken. The lyrics are cryptic. In fact, some of the points you made were made before, so you're basically in good company and they are valid. I sometimes use too many symbols and it reads like a riddle. Not everyone enjoys that kind of writing. I will blame it on all the Yes, ELP, Moody Blues and Pink Floyd influences. I really appreciate your suggestions, thanks! This is a great discussion.
Mauz:
No harsh feelings! I think open discussion is fantastic. There are times when I like perfect rhymes and times when I don't. There are times I don't even rhyme. And I can see your point here. I could even rewrite this in a more free-form manner.
I think the voice of my soul might be bordering on the bizarre... Bwah..ha..ha.....
Anyway. I appreciate the candor here. It's good discussion and I want to build my chops. So everything is taken well. Thanks! I will take everything into consideration during the rewrite.
TheTincanbugsloppy dice, drinks twiceMember
Since: Aug 05, 2003
May 18, 2004 02:27 pm Ok, I'll give it a go.
----------------------
Upon the bed, a writer tells
A story he once knew.
(I'm seeing "bed" as a grave in this bit. The writer is dead, therefore he once knew rather than DOES know "the story")
Where every line composed compels,
The reader to review.
("the story" is equivalent to an epitaph)
And as the plot begins to set,
("the plot begins to set" = the grave is no longer fresh. Plot seems to have a double meaning - plot refers to gravesite as well as the "plot" of the story of the author's life.)
The message soon reveals.
That a lonely life of deep regret,
Cuts deep and never heals.
(seems to be an epitaph mourning choices or risks not taken in life)
It’s true, the author never heard,
The words that passed his way.
How can a passage so absurd
Lie written in the clay?
Across the page, with pen in hand,
No parchment may have shown.
His signature engraves the sand,
‘Tis the writing of the stone.
The writing of the stone.
(The last two paragraphs throw me. The author never heard - little hint is given here, but I kind of assume that this part says that the author never had time for, or may have actually avoided, life's simple pleasures. Fear of rejection? Burying himself in his work? The poem is a little unclear to me at this point. Apparently since his life was in some way "unlived" in his own eyes, rather than being remembered for what he was or what he did, he is remembered at his gravesite alone, for "His signature engraves the sand, ‘Tis the writing of the stone.")
----------------------------
Ok, some of my interpretations may be way off here, but this poem definitely seemed to be centered on a gravesite as a setting for the message, which is to live life to the fullest, and don't let opportunity slide by when you have a risk or chances to take in life, because when you're dead you can't get that back again.
Am I anywhere near correct? :)
I wouldn't put this to music. This doesn't seem very "lyrical" - much more oriented for pure poetry.
May 18, 2004 03:09 pm Hey Tincan, that's was beautiful, man! Great interpretation and analysis. Your take on "a story he once knew" is perfect. Whoever this guy is, he's gone/dead/passed on like the wind.
The "every line composed compels.." says his story is a difficult one to understand and it forces the reader (observers of his life) to re-read the "story" (to reinterpret/rethink). And the reason why the author never heard the words he wrote is because they were never spoken. Passage = path, the road of life. So it's not something that can be written, it must be lived. Telling a story and living the story are not the same. And maybe we don't know any more about what our lives mean than what is written in the sand and clay in the Mojave Desert by those moving stones (check the website?). So just like the wind moves those stones and leaves a trace in the sand as if it were a pen being moved to write a story, the meaning of my life (we are the authors of our lives) is just as cryptic and difficult to find meaning and purpose. So your conclusion is correct!
Yeah, it's poetry, but I think I will still try to write something. Not sure what it will be though. I've been thinking about rewriting it again just to see what comes out.
Thanks for the feedback and discussion...
TheTincanbugsloppy dice, drinks twiceMember
Since: Aug 05, 2003
May 18, 2004 03:32 pm Hey, I'm 2 for 2. :) I've got some lyrics of my own to post. I'm trying a new take on lyrical style, and would appreciate an honest response from those lyrically-inclined. I'll probably post them tomorrow.
May 18, 2004 03:33 pm Please do, I would enjoy reading them! Even if I'm one of the lyrically challenged... :^)
Mar 15, 2010 08:45 pm I happen to be listening to experimental gothic-toned music right now, but that caused a rather interesting tune to follow your lyrics. I think this would work well with whatever editing (if any) if you simply feel just the right sound behind it^_^ I've many a poem left discarded or left behind because I couldn't make it music, but I don't see that happening with this piece if you want to work on a melody. The lovely thing about simple rhyme schemes is the fact that no matter how you stretch the lyrics throughout the music, the pauses can be altered and played with to the point where the rhyme seems perfectly natural along with the overall tone of the piece. Good start!
~Hannah
