GRRRRRRR!!! (bandmate horror stories)

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Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
Member Since: May 10, 2002

Have absolutely no idea why I am writing this. Probably for my sanity and so that a no horn-ectomy needs to be performed later tonight!

Our big band, 27 years going, 17 piece got our little rears kicked about a month ago by another big band. Cool! People didn't like that a lot! Been recording to put together a new demo and for purpose of tightening up. Cool! Our director is playing another gig tonight and in jumps our keyboardist churchlady! Onward Christian Soldier bang bang bang. Taking charge! No recording tonight. We are going to have a sit in and he will need to practice our regulars! (prime opertuinty to exert control over something....anything!) Called my woodbe sound engineer and let him know of this opertunity to work on acustics and micing. Oh No! No sense to that! The band won't be up to snuff. I will clean my truck instead! Nice choice when you are still getting hot spots in your recordings! Then comes the e-mail from sit in. Please transpose your parts (for 15 songs) an augmented 4th as I will be playing my e horn!

Everybody make your part is so good that I can just bask in the drone, sublime existance of absense of growth and pipe dreams! Don't grow! My god you might miss a viagra commercial, or that appointment with the shrink who is treating you for an identity crises!

I feel better! Please disregard the above and delete at will!

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Administrator
Since: Apr 03, 2002


May 15, 2002 09:06 pm

Delete at will, I think not! This is yet another battle cry of the struggling musician...I feel for your, but I love the anthem you composed...we've all been in this situation to some extent once or twice, at least you didn't say anything about the guitarist drunken girlfriend that swears at everybody and passes out at gigs...oh, wait, that was my old band...

hehehe, ah, the life and times of a musician, ain't it glorious, that's the stuff you never see on the cover of the Rolling Stone.

Member
Since: Apr 05, 2002


May 15, 2002 09:19 pm

Since you brought it up...How about the times when you know you are playing in the armpit of the world when the best looking girl is missing half her teeth. Or the time your guitarist calls up a friend to play harmonica and he's so drunk that he passes out while playing, falls face first off the 2' high stage and doesn't do a thing to catch himself. Just face plants. Wakes up, looks around and walks out the exit, and you are supposed to finish the song you are playing. or, when you have a practice scheduled and everyone shows up but the guitarist who when you go by his place is asleep at 2pm. I could go on, but I am sure others would like to share. I will say it makes for a lifetime of memories though! :)
Marc (da Sharc)

Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
Member
Since: May 10, 2002


May 15, 2002 09:59 pm

Yup Yup! Walt....this is your life! EEEEEk! Don't show that show! And of course the band was right!....on the cover of the broken bone! And he was sober! What a waste of good plumbing. Newbe to the group. Been talking alot in practice bout his education and such. Tonight he had to play first. OOOOPs! And Churchlady was on a roll. Imagine Quando Quando with an onward christian beat! I'm standing on top the drummer, he has his ear in my speaker...and she still pounds onward!!! We both gave up when it came to her solo! No one could figure how that was supposta fit.

Hay bottom line, two more hours of playing! That's always good!

Administrator
Since: Apr 03, 2002


May 16, 2002 07:26 am

Ya, I didn't even have time to get to the story about the lead singer who ate some mushrooms before a show and started stumbling over words and stuff...now, don't get me wrong, I love Jim Morrison, but I would never have wanted to be in a band with the guy...

Member
Since: Apr 05, 2002


May 16, 2002 12:50 pm

I think you make a good point with the whole drug thing. We've had this discussion before, so I won't really go into that, but why is it that some musicians really believe that they play better when they can barely stand. I'll admit that I have played with some guys who still play well when they ahve a buzz, be it on whatever they choose to get it from, but I ahve no met a guy that plays "better" when he's stoned. Not saying you should be stone sober every time you play. I think a few drinks can actually relax you a little and get you loose before a gig, but getting smashed or tripping when you're trying to do a gig is torture if you're not also messed up, which I never was. I say wait until after the gig to do whatever you're going to do. Again, my two cents worth. Interestinly enough though, the guy I mentioned that fell off the stage, the drummer of that band actually has it on tape. I kept trying to tell him to send it to America's Funniest. Hate the show, but I don't mind winning some money. I think it would too. Freaking hilarious. :)
Marc (da Sharc)

Administrator
Since: Apr 03, 2002


May 16, 2002 01:02 pm

DUDE, send that tape to me, I will do a video capture of it and post it here...this would make an awesome area of the site, I think I have a tape of myself during a bass-free piece where I missed my cue of getting back on stage and playing...

I always hated playing that damn song anyway...

We can have our own funniest videos right here!

Member
Since: Apr 05, 2002


May 16, 2002 01:21 pm

I wish I had a copy of the video. Firtunately I was only in that band for a little while becuase quite honestly, they sucked. The drummer was the worst actually and I haven't seen him in years. If I had the tape I would have one a million dollars already. If I run into him though I will see if I can get a copy and then I will definitely send it to you. I regret not getting a tape of it to be honest. I crack up thinking about it. lol
Marc (da Sharc)

Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
Member
Since: May 10, 2002


May 16, 2002 04:06 pm

Worked one band that being stoned was a prerequsite. Seventh Army out of Stutgart. Did Fashing Gigs (our MartyGraw) Drunken sailor act where we weaved down isles from the back of the hall to the stage falling in women's laps etc. We'd hit three or four towns a night and of course had to drink with the Germans. PR group we where! The last show of the night was no act and we got the most rave reviews from the last shows. Of course I can't remember them! I do remember walking into a german soldier and wraping the bell of my french horn inside out. Also remember the night the fashing dancers (can can)got in the act. Had my wife along for that gig......Big Mistake! She got even though. Got sick on the band bus!

Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
Member
Since: May 10, 2002


May 21, 2002 11:15 am

Yup Yup, Don't ya just love it! Emergency call yesterday...Need a bass player tomorrow! Will bring by scores late this evening. Ok fine I'll help out. In the middle of the mess is...there it is!...a Tuba Part! Leger lines clear down to China! Hope my old notation software still works!

No good dead shall go UNPUNISHED!

Cone Poker
Member
Since: Apr 07, 2002


May 21, 2002 04:05 pm

Get this:
We had to hire the drummer from my freinds band, who is hardcore into punk and the like, and after 2 weeks of nothing but practice we had everything down. Then came the show... We started with a few of our heavier songs and everything was going good, then I went into an emotional Guitar/Drums/Vocals drone that was very soft and slow... and the drums started to get offbeat... and I looked back, and Ed, the drummer, was asleep in front of a crowd of like 100 people at the battle of the bands. My god that sucked.

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