Feb 16, 2003 01:26 pm hey jennster...cool like it! welcome to the forum!
Critique my lyrics please? 'Hit me Down'
Posted on Feb 16, 2003 12:34 pm
Jennster
Member Since: Feb 16, 2003
Lying here alone in bed
Clutching the pain thats in my head
Tears fall and and hit my sheet
All the love we had has died
Another burise is there to hide
All you did was raise your blood heat
My friends, they all want to know
Why I can't just run and go
Instead of living in fear
No matter where I run to
Everywhere there's always you
Your pain is always somewhere
*Chorus*
All I did was lie to you
We both know that I had to
Now I have more lies to hide
Now I live in constant pain
As you hit me down again
I'll never take your side
Promise you'll never touch me
Just listen to me plea
Never say I haven't tried
Strangers walking in the street
Say together they look sweet
I want to tell them how I feel
Grabbing me, hurt me again
Feels like I'm stuck with a ball and chain
You gave me wounds and they won't heal
Chorus
I try and break free
You turn round and hit me
Your knife is drawn
And soon I'll be gone
you went one step too far
Stuck with an unhealing scar
Chorus
New song, new person...be nice!!!
[ Back to Top ]
Feb 16, 2003 01:26 pm hey jennster...cool like it! welcome to the forum!
Feb 16, 2003 01:30 pm Cheers hunny!
Had to use that face....it's hilarious
Feb 16, 2003 01:39 pm then who's the balaclava smilie?
Feb 16, 2003 02:17 pm Can someone other than flame post? I'm getting fed up of him now lol
Feb 16, 2003 05:33 pm Nice lyrics. When do we get to hear the song?
Feb 16, 2003 11:09 pm Acoustic, rock, hard, soft, what music do you feel it should be set to? With lyric's such as those, you could go a number of ways. And if the music is made, will you indeed sing the word's? As it seems to be coming from something very deep in you, you would be the one to sing it with the feeling it deserves.
Feb 16, 2003 11:15 pm By the way, they are some very powerfull lyric's. You have some very powerfull feeling's coming out with the word's you use. Choose a genre you would like the music to fit, and I may take a crack at it.
Noize 2 U
Feb 17, 2003 12:30 am Obviously, I think that this isn't a "happy" song. I've been accused of being stupid, but I'm just guessing here. The free verse of it, some parts rhyme but there is not a "set" pattern, I would think this song lends itself very well to rock(darker sounding) or an acousticish type sound, again, with a darker feel. Hhhmm, I've never tried to write for someone else's feelings/lyrics before, but it could be fun. But, it would be nice to hear what it sounds like in the writer's head. I don't know if you even had a sound in mind, but how the lyrics are song would depend heavily on that. Maybe I'll give it a shot. When I am going to find the time is another matter though. But, I like the sound of it. Am I correct in assuming that the pain is not merely emotional, but also a physical abuse? That is what it sounds like, but it seems to stop short of saying that out-right, changing to an emotional pain reference. Good lyrics thoough.
Sharc
Feb 17, 2003 08:11 pm Hey MSHARC, nice to see ya.
I agree on the dark rockish feel. I started to lay a couple track's out last night to it. A combination of acoustic and harder might do the trick. There is no set feel as to the rythm of the lyric's, but that lend's itself to a bit more openess in the music.
Peace
|
Related Forum Topics: |
If you would like to participate in the forum discussions, feel free to register for your free membership.