Oct 18, 2007 11:08 am Quote:
if a spouse cheats, do y'all consider the person they cheated with 'just as guilty'?
NO
I'm off to bed now so i'll engage the debate tomorrow.
who's guilty?
Posted on Oct 18, 2007 11:04 am
whosyourdaddy00
Hold 'Em Czar
Member Since: Dec 30, 2004
if a spouse cheats, do y'all consider the person they cheated with 'just as guilty'?
i've never done this, but i just got ta thinkin'....say your spouse cheats on you (and obviously gets caught) is the other person just a 'bad' eventhough they might not be married themselves?
i know most guy's instincts say "both must die" or "it takes two to tango"....but it is my personal belief that it's the person that's juggling two relationships that is the 'guilty' one.
this has absolutely nothing to do with my personal life, but i just got to thinking....i know ALOT of ppl that would prolly shoot (ยง=op) the person that their significant other cheated on them with....but i tend to lean twards the view of "it's the one who is cheating on the other that is the guilty one"....
so say i find my girl in bed with some *******, i don't think i should 'hate' him as much as her...she's the one who betrayed...he was just lookin' to get laid. (hey that rhymed!)
again this has NOTHING to do with ANYTHING that's gooin' on in my life presently (now past is another story) but i'm just curious on how y'all view the issue.
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Oct 18, 2007 11:08 am Quote:
if a spouse cheats, do y'all consider the person they cheated with 'just as guilty'?
NO
I'm off to bed now so i'll engage the debate tomorrow.
Oct 18, 2007 11:12 am ok a few nights ago, i made-out with a girl who is 'engaged'....and i'm not sure how 'ok' i am with it....it was a silly drunken night and he was out of state and...well...it just happened....it's not gonna happen again (or at least not until he goes out of town! j/k) but we confessed it to him and all is well...but i can't help but feel a bit guilty (DUH i DO have a conscious)... and i have been on both sides of this fence before....i just wanted to hear you're views...
do ya think i'm a dog for makin' out with a girl that i knew was engaged.
i just don't think i'm type to say "if you sleep with my girl, i'll kill you"....the cheater is the guilty one in my book, then again, i could be sub-consciously justifying my own actions.
Oct 18, 2007 11:22 am If the partner knows the person is married, engaged or whatever, I don't know if I would use the words "just as guilty", but still wrong. If the partner doesn't know, then I don't know how one could consider them guilty of anything...other than the whole "premartial sex" issue if that's applicable.
If you knew she was engaged and took action anyway, well, I guess ya, you shouldn't feel too good about it. it would, in my mind anyway, be much worse if you knew she was married, had kids and whatever, cuz that has a whole new group of affected people.
I cheated on one girl in my life, and I felt friggin horrible about it...still do actually and I haven't seen her for years and years...
Oct 18, 2007 11:32 am nah, we told him EVERYTHING that happened (which wasn't all that much) i'm just not sure how i feel about it....i DID know what i was dooin' (well kinda) and it really didn't go all that far...and all parties involved are cool with it, it's more of a self check kinda thing for me....yeah if she was married it'd be different...but i totally made out (and have bite marks) from my friends girlfriend. and it's kinda wierd.
Oct 18, 2007 12:17 pm Well, telling him was the right thing to do (I think, I personally don't know if that matters in my personal opinion) and everybody can say they are cool, but it's rarely the case, typically it's not that "not that much happened" it's the fact ANYTHING did. Know what I mean?
Whether or not you knew what you are doing doesn't really change much does it? I mean if you were buzzed and pull the ol' "I didn't know what I was doing" it doesn't make it any righter, just opens a "self check" door for another problem, doesn't it?
My comment about telling the guy being right or not, while not in your case, but just any case, typically I would suspect telling the person is done as a means to clear one's own conscience, it's a selfish jesture, and really only serves to spread the pain to the uninvolved party, who, if never knows, never hurts, but then, he doesn't know his chicks a hoe...or, well, know what I mean? It's a conundrum.
And I am not saying she's a hoe, I don't know her, just an example.
Regardless, not my problem so I will stay out of it, just hope he doesn't use his right to bear arms. ;-)
Oct 18, 2007 04:39 pm Someone I knew got himself thrown out of a tenth floor window for being the other guy. Who knows if he actually knew she was married?
IMHO: If you know that someone is in a "committed" relationship, and you get it on with them, you are now part of the problem. If you don't know, and find out the hard way, you're not.
If it were to happen to me, I think I'd give the guy the benefit of the doubt.
I've been told "we're separated" and "I don't have a boyfriend" and actually found these things to mean - "We're not standing next to each other right now" and "I have a husband" respectively. Not good. I've also been cheated on by a girl who said those types of things to get off with some guy. Slut. Anyway, you cannot trust 100% what's being said out there.
Not knowing, as dB-Wan touched on, is not being hurt. I know 'er indoors has never cheated on me (and I know she wouldn't); but if she ever did I'd prefer never to find out.
Oct 18, 2007 04:51 pm What's more important in a relationship?
Trust, honesty, hard feelings, and perhaps ending a relationship, or happiness and guilt?
I guess I'd have to take the first option, if I were the offending party.
Admitting something for the purpose of getting it off your chest is selfish, to a point. It's also admitting wrongdoing, and that is never easy, and is very humbling at best as well.
Oct 18, 2007 04:56 pm True. but, if somebody cheated on their mate I am laying odds "being honest" and "admitting wrongdoing" isn't on the top of the list of reason to confess, if they were honest and forthright they would not have done it in the first place.
Of course, that is not 100%, people make mistakes, people feel bad about it, and all that, but typically, of the "cheaters" I have known, most (not all) are habitual cheaters and selfish people.
of course, I am talking about cheating on serious relationships, juvenile relationship are just that...whole different ballgame there.
Oct 18, 2007 06:47 pm I think the fundamental issue here is that the girl you made out with isn't very trustworthy. That should be a red flag for the guy who is engaged to her. This time it was "only" making out. What about next time? What if WYD was the kind of guy who would press the situation farther than it went? Would she have gone farther? Who knows? I think that there is a serious problem with their relationship if something like this happens. I know I wouldn't trust her anymore.
You're an innocent bystander. It's their problem, not yours. Of course, you probably shouldn't have done it...but if it wasn't you it probably would have been someone else somewhere down the line.
Now go take on the day!
Oct 18, 2007 07:54 pm the other person involved isn't a very nice person and his morals are sketchy. in my book he's wronged you too.
Oct 19, 2007 12:09 am not shure who is who in your post there forty...i think i'm the "he" in your statement...all is well and chalked up to drunken silliness, no real hard feelings...these guys are really nice people, and i think context is a big factor....she's kissed me before with him around (one of those 'free spirit types) and he knows there's not much behind it emotionally....she's just a real touchy-feely chick...always has been.
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