New Song. Your opinions/critique requested

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Answer:On a good day, lipstick.
Member Since: Jun 24, 2004

Usual disclaimer goes with this one in that "somebody else" should be singing this. Someone who has more range than my 1/3 octave...

Please look in my profile under "Music" it's called 'Carousel'.

It's a sad tale of a 'carnie' who lives a life of persecution and solitude. His one joy in life is watching the happy faces on the carousel.

It got a bit 'squished' in the process of transferring to CD, then to MP3.

Rough mix only. Please let me know where it's all going wrong.

Thanks, in advance, for listening.

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bace135 in the house tonight!
Member
Since: Jan 28, 2003


Feb 23, 2007 04:39 pm

I'm sorry, but this seems like a hilarious idea for a song.

Mixwise, I'd say the instruments are pushed too far in the background compared to the vocals. Maybe a de-esser on the vocals would help too. Yeah, vocals are kinda louder than everything else to me.

Interesting song, and everything has a nice tone though.

Answer:On a good day, lipstick.
Member
Since: Jun 24, 2004


Feb 23, 2007 04:54 pm

Ten-four. Thanks for the input. I think you're spot on with the vocals.

It's a bit 'Anthony Newley' in its delivery and content, but I don't seem to be able to write songs that are not dysfunctional in some way...

I have songs about:
Alcoholism
Drug abuse
Embittered mercenaries
Terrorists being executed
Death

And a couple with some optimism...

I shouldn't listen to so much Leonard Cohen, and Richard Thompson, should I?

bace135 in the house tonight!
Member
Since: Jan 28, 2003


Feb 23, 2007 05:10 pm

Embittered mercenaries!!!! nice!

Cone Poker
Member
Since: Apr 07, 2002


Feb 23, 2007 05:59 pm

Yeah aside from the instrumentation being so far back, I really like this. GOod lounge music I think. I can see myself drinking a rum and coke and talking to a girl at the bar as she swirls the cherry in her drink around with a straw. Meanwhile, theres a guy hanging out against the wall just snapping his fingers in beat.

Answer:On a good day, lipstick.
Member
Since: Jun 24, 2004


Feb 23, 2007 06:42 pm

See, Loki? That's why I envy you. You have these wonderful visions (and I can take 'lounge', thank you) of the cool side of it. I, on the other hand, would be focussing on the guy slumped over the table in the corner, unshaven, slovenly, and drinking bad well drinks....he'd get a song, and a history - not the girl with a cherry and a straw.

It's time I broke out the major chords. All these minor 7th's are getting me down.


Cone Poker
Member
Since: Apr 07, 2002


Feb 23, 2007 09:29 pm

well either way our perception is limited, because neither of us are seeing the man at the table talking to the waitress while nonchalantly slipping his wedding ring into his pocket. Neither one of us sees the whole bar at once, only the part that we're looking at.

Czar of Cheese
Member
Since: Jun 09, 2004


Feb 24, 2007 07:36 am

TallChap,

This is great. Ditto the remarks about vocals being a bit up front. (But if those guys wouldn't have said it first I never would have noticed.)

It's a great song. It's gotta be a hard life being a Carnie. You've captured essence of the Dunn County Fair...but it needs a bridge in which the Carnie retires to his horse trailer to brush his tooth.

Guitar solos are great too! I like how you've given them different tonalities...and what a great idea to have that little "Calliope" sounding break in there.

It's going on the iPod.

I KNOW NOTHING
Member
Since: Jun 08, 2006


Feb 24, 2007 12:47 pm

Tallchap, that's some great bass playing, man. I like hearing a guy playing some old school, up octave melodic fills. It's getting to be a lost art in modern music.
I agree with the "lounge" feel. Can't help but picture you up on a stool with the red, ruffled tux and all that....:)
Cool song.

Member
Since: Jul 02, 2003


Feb 24, 2007 01:38 pm

Great song TallChap, the music reminds me a bit of Nazz in tone and delivery, and your vocals have a Jim Morrison style & sound especially on the chorus. Vocals may be just a bit too up front but I think the levels fit the style of the song. Nice playing and arrangement. Going to add this to my play list. :)

Dan

Ne'er ate 'er
Member
Since: Apr 05, 2006


Feb 24, 2007 04:17 pm

Did you mic the bass cabinet? It has that medium-distance miked sound you don't hear too often. Sometimes 'different' can be better than the same old..

I also couldn't help but recall the vibe of "The Piano Has Been Drinking" by Tom Waits. Hold on there, that's not necessarily an insult.

I am not a crook's head
Member
Since: Mar 14, 2003


Feb 24, 2007 04:57 pm

Why would that be an insult?

Nice clean guitar tone there. Great vocals as well, I like your voice a lot. Personally, I get a bit of a recent David Bowie vibe here, with the slick production, baritone-vibrato vocals, and happenning bass line.

I really like the phrasing of the first guitar solo, but I can't help but hear the peizo-like pickup sound on it...is it an electro-acoustic run direct or something?

Very well done man. If this is a rough version then I can't imagine how it would be polished even more into a final version.

Czar of Cheese
Member
Since: Jun 09, 2004


Feb 24, 2007 06:58 pm

Just listened again...I hear Jim Morrison too! My son just walked by and asked me if it was The Crash Test Dummies...I hear that now too!

Answer:On a good day, lipstick.
Member
Since: Jun 24, 2004


Feb 26, 2007 03:18 pm

Thanks so much for all the positive feedback. I do really appreciate it. The vocals will be reigned in a bit, they kinda jumped out with the mastering VST I threw on there (Moderndeeppurple) to mix it to the CD/MP3.

Bass was recorded via the Sans-Amp Bass Driver DI-Boss BR532-sound card via optical, and then treated to Helian First Bass VST. Little Baxxpander too. Glad you like it. Tough part to keep the groove going.

Tadpui: The electric solo at the end of the song before the calliope's just some patch on the Digitech RP-80 with the Schecter.

The fat one always watches us.
Member
Since: Nov 08, 2002


Feb 27, 2007 10:52 am

i like it- the bass is great- and i think the vox fits well- couple of spots that could be redun but over all good. i think jim morrison would have loved it. made me wanna write a song..... good stuff

as for what youre able to write about- im stuck with the same.... just what were good at i suppose.

Czar of Midi
Administrator
Since: Apr 04, 2002


Feb 27, 2007 08:38 pm

TC, that was great. I will completely agree with the Lounge thing. And don't stop with the minor stuff, I love those jazz type chords. And the arrangement is sweet. The vocal doubling fit just perfect, it added that perfect touch of soft cheese to the song. I mean that as a good thing by the way. I as well loved the lead parts, they fit just perfect as well. What did you use for the calliope patch by the way, it sounded almost flute like?

The song just seems to roll along and keep one interested enough to want to hear more. I as well will be putting that one on the next HRC mp3 CD for the car.

Answer:On a good day, lipstick.
Member
Since: Jun 24, 2004


Mar 01, 2007 07:32 pm

Sorry it took a while to get back atcha, Noize. Been out of town, and work drama etc...

Anyhoo. Thanks so much for all the nice things said above. I truly value all your advice (that's all of you, not just Noize).

The Calliope was from a free VST instrument - can't recall the name (possibly "Embracer" but I can't be sure). There was a preset called "Calliope" that I though was fitting - since the word is in the the lyric, and I just like the word. It's just a bunch of black keys being played. I have no idea what I'm doing on a keyboard.

I think I'm over my lounge era now. Although I think I'll still use a few of dose moinor chords, and all those 7thy type augminished and demented E#Major8thSus4/Gb type jazzy chords I like (I know, I know stop being pedantic...I know....before you smart alecs write..."there's not such thing as a...." Whatever!).

Hokayyy!!! Death Metal?

Czar of Midi
Administrator
Since: Apr 04, 2002


Mar 04, 2007 12:25 am

TC, your going to write a Death Metal tune now?

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