May 02, 2002 09:06 pm How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, and the world revolves around him(or her)
Add your musician jokes here.
Posted on May 02, 2002 09:04 pm
dbmasters
Administrator Since: Apr 03, 2002
I'll add a couple I put in another thread for starters...
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
HOMELESS!
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May 02, 2002 09:06 pm How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, and the world revolves around him(or her)
May 02, 2002 09:07 pm How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
20, 1 to hold the bulb and 19 to drink until the room spins!
May 03, 2002 12:30 am Hey guys... ever ask a drummer to count to 5?
May 03, 2002 11:21 am How many lead guitars players does it take to change a light bulb?
5, 1 to change the light bulb and 4 to say how they could've done it better.
May 06, 2002 04:31 pm Who do drummers associate themselves with?
Musicians
May 09, 2002 10:21 am What has three legs and a d*** on it?
A drumstool:-)
May 10, 2002 09:03 am How do you get a guitarist to turn down? Put some sheet music in front of them.
May 10, 2002 09:04 am I locked my keys in my car the other day. Took me twenty minutes to get my drummer out.
May 10, 2002 06:21 pm Hahahahahaha.. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... no.
Why is it always the drummer?!
May 12, 2002 09:26 pm Do you know a drummer at all? If so just watch em and you'll find out why he's always the butt of the jokes.
May 12, 2002 10:39 pm hehehe, many stereo-types are rooted in some loose interpretation of the truth at some level... :-)
May 13, 2002 12:09 am An Anthropoligist was researching the deep regions of Africa when he started to hear drums. He asked his guide what this meant. The guide's reply was "Drums good...Drums stop BAD!"
Days later while away from camp the drums stoped. The Anthropoligist ran back to camp to find his guide in a fetal position with his hands over his ears. "What now!" cried the Anthropoligist.
"Bass Solo!"
May 13, 2002 08:00 am I wouldn't brag about it... :-)
Just kidding, Dingo...if we can't goof a little on each other it's all just not worth it...hehehe, hell, I am a bass player, of which there are many jokes as well, I am surprised I haven't seen many here yet though...except,of course the one above...
May 13, 2002 08:34 am What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
"The Defendant" :-)
May 13, 2002 08:35 am What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A vocalist.
May 13, 2002 10:41 am Last gig I left my accordian in the back seat while I was setting up. I realized I had forgotton to lock the car. By the time I could get back to lock the doors.....Yup There where two of them!
May 13, 2002 12:47 pm This one is funny... yet shouldn't be offensive to most musicians.
A rabit and a snake ran into eachother on a pitch black night. Not being able to see, they tried to identify eachother by touch. The snake went first. "You're warm, fuzzy, and you have big ears. You must be a rabit." The rabit said "You're cold, slimey, and have no ears. You must be a record producer."
And one of my favorite guitarist jokes...
Why are a guitarists fingers like lightning? They never strike the same spot twice.
Jun 03, 2002 03:12 pm Q: how do you know who is at the studio door?
A: if it's the drummer, the knocking gets louder and faster. and if it's the singer, he's forgotten his key and can't remember when to come in.
Q: what's the difference between an accordian and a trampoline?
A: no one applauds when you jump up and down on a trampoline.
Q: how many jazz cats does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: screw the changes, they'll fake it.
Q: how do get a drummer off your front porch?
A: pay for the pizza.
Jun 03, 2002 03:18 pm I forgot to add my favourite...
Q: why do bagpipe players walk and play?
A: they're trying to get away from the noise.
Jun 03, 2002 03:28 pm Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dashboards of their cars? So they can park in the handycapped spaces.
Jun 06, 2002 06:01 pm What do you call the girl around the arm of a trombone player?
A tattoo.
Jun 07, 2002 03:45 pm While we're on this topic, check out www.emilystoybox.com. They're a band from around my way that has a great collection of jokes on their site.
Jun 08, 2002 01:14 pm Q: how do you wink at a drummer?
A: through the scope of a rifle.
Jun 08, 2002 01:23 pm what do you call a drummer with an IQ of 20?
GIFTED
Jun 08, 2002 01:25 pm at band practice, how do you get your drummer to stop playing?
a: You kick his snare over and sock him in the face.
Jun 12, 2002 12:59 am yeah. it was a dumb joke. infact i made it up myself. but here is one to redeem myself.
Q: What did the rooster say to the frog when he got his Vocal condensor stolen?
A: HEY, good thing it was a NADY!!! AHAHAHAHAAH (probably not funny, my bad guys)
Jun 12, 2002 05:23 am hehehehe, don't quite your day job stupe.
;-)
Jun 12, 2002 08:41 pm Hey, I bet a lot of drummer's wished they had arm's like popeye. So it wasn't really that dumb. but the Nady joke was pretty silly. :-)
Jun 12, 2002 09:37 pm What's the difference between a clarinet solo and scraping your nails down the blackboard?
Vibrato.
Jun 13, 2002 06:03 am What do you call 144 drummers in one room?
Gross stupidity.
Jun 19, 2002 01:26 pm What do you get when you cross a drummer with a gorilla? A really dumb gorilla.
Jun 19, 2002 05:20 pm Q: How do you know if the drum riser is level?
A: The drool is coming out both sides of the drummers mouth.
Q: How do you get two fretless bass players to play in tune?
A: Shoot one.
Q: How many soundmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, soundmen don't do lights.
Oct 26, 2002 01:23 am How do you stop the spread of AIDS?
Let a major record label distribute it.
Oct 26, 2002 01:25 am What's the difference between a taxi and a drummer?
A taxi only has to carry one person at a time.
Oct 28, 2002 10:11 am ok... there are 6 people in a room. 5 of them are musicians. who is the 6th person?
a drummer
Nov 08, 2002 06:45 am What's the worst thing that can happen to a guitar player?
Loosing your g-string on stage
(stripper refrence)
pretty bad
Dec 09, 2002 11:09 pm (based off a thread at another forum)
How many recording engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
answers:
Recording Engineers don't change light bulbs. That's the assistant's job.
I think they'll fix it in the mix
I get tired of these vague questions that are impossible to really answer. Are we talking about halogen, tungsten, flourescent and most importantly what is the budget?
The engineer hands the light bulb to the lead singer and watches while the world revolves around her...voila!
Best get a qualified electro-technician. After all, someone else pays. And you can have a coffee.
Any decent engineer doesn't need light, he knows where everything is and he doesn't need to read any stupid labels or numbers. Use your ears, not your eyes!
"Don't buy a bulb just yet. Studio Projects is about to come out with a new bulb that is much cheaper, yet can hang with the most expensive bulb. Of course, I am speaking here not as the president of Studio Projects, but just giving my unbiased opinion..."
The bulb's not out, it's just muted
One, but it will take 20 small adjustments after the fact to get it just right.
When I started in this business, we didn't have light bulbs, just candles...But seriously, you might wanna look at the "light radiation patterns" before you run out and buy any lightbulbs. If the light bulb isn't placed right, it won't put out the light you're expecting. Often, placement is more important than wattage. Move in close and you can actually reduce the wattage needed...Also, watch for room nodes that can actually create dark places in the light pattern...I plan to do a full test on some of the less expensive Chinese light bulbs in the near future.
I hear Ethan Winer is nearly ready to release his new design for a portable "Dark Trap"
A digital or an analog bulb? Is a toob light warmer?
What about those new digital lightbulb modelers... ?
Dec 10, 2002 02:18 pm Here are a few (you've probably heard them, but they're not posted here, so...)
Q: What's the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?
A: The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.
Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch?
A: Tossing a banjo into a dumpster and it lands on an accordian
Q: How do you know when there's a harmonica player at the door?
A: He doesn't need a key; he just comes in whenever the hell he feels like it.
Q: What's the range of a double bass?
A: Depends on who's throwing it.
Q: What's the difference between an onion and an oboe.
A: Nobody cries when you slice up an oboe
Dec 22, 2002 11:03 am How do you know when a singer is at the door?
He's forgotten his key and doesn't know where to come in.
Feb 03, 2003 09:36 pm What is the differance between a lead gutarist and a Large Pizza.....?
A large pizza can feed a family of 4.
Feb 05, 2003 06:25 am A singer comes into the dressing room just before the third set, and finds the guitarist and bass player at each others throats. "get over it", he says, "we've got to finish the show". The bass player says "but this idiot detuned one of my strings". Singer says "so just tune it back up and forget about it". The bass player says "yeah, but he won't tell me which one it is!!!""
Jul 13, 2004 04:22 pm Hey....I'm a bass player.
Strangely, I'm also in the lighting industry!
Okay:
How many guitar players does it take to change an incandescent A-lamp (sorry, force of habit)?
One, they don't like to share the spotlight.
How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone?
Take your hand out of the bell, and play all the wrong notes.
From Above:
A singer comes into the dressing room just before the third set, and finds the guitarist and bass player at each others throats. "get over it", he says, "we've got to finish the show". The bass player says "but this idiot detuned one of my strings". Singer says "so just tune it back up and forget about it". The bass player says "yeah, but he won't tell me which one it is!!!""
....The rhythm guitar player says, "Oh, you idiot. It's when all the strings are the same tension"
"NO NO NO," says, lead guitar player, "it's when all the tuning pegs line up"
How many record company execs does it take to...etc.?
None, the sun shines out of...well...you know...
Jul 13, 2004 11:55 pm Here y'a go Walt...
Q: Why are oboists and bassoonists the only musicians who make their own reeds?
A: Because the other musicians have social lives.
and...
Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.
heh heh, I thought this was a good one too :
Q: What do you get when you play "New Age" music backwards?
A: New Age music.
Had to use the 'lil angry-face, 'cause he's pretty funny too ! :)
Jul 14, 2004 12:07 am wadaya call a bunch of parachuting drummers?
Skeet!
Jul 14, 2004 03:08 pm A drummer, who is sick and tired of being the butt of jokes decides he will take up a different instrument.
He goes to the local music store and learns that they are having a sale on accordians. After looking at a few he tells the salesman he is interested in purchasing the large red accordian leaning against the wall.
The salesman says "hey you're a drummer aren't you?" to which the drummer replies "well yeah, but how did you know that?"
"Easy, that's our radiator." replies the salesman.
Jul 20, 2004 02:39 pm How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: One to do it and four to comment how Neil Peart could have done it better.
And yeah, that little angry dude is really funny. =3
Jul 21, 2004 12:22 am Hue, I'm only three months behind on catching that one. That is good. That happened to me. While I was in Germany playing french horn, our director found out I had played accordian and wanted me to weave tables with a wireless. Turned him down. Wow! Me be a gentlman!
What is the best FX for an accordian?
The mute switch.
Jul 21, 2004 12:28 am How can you tell if a drummer has forgotton what he had for lunch?
When you catch him sniffing his stool.
Jul 21, 2004 01:26 am what has three legs and an ^%$hole on top?
a drum stool
Aug 10, 2004 11:02 pm Uhhh......Pianist! LOL. I've moved pianos for 8 years, and I still think it's funny when somebody says "I'm a pianist." Huh Huh. Oh Yeh? Huh Huh.
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